Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
