he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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