im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish my penis had a tongue
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
