If that was your dad, he is hot
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
