I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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