when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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