my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
