I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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