I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
