the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
