I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
