I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
