either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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