There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
