Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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