Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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