Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
