finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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