If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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