How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
