make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
