I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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