did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again