Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
