people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.