Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5856) Bad night (1480)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside http://tfl.nu/uown
  Replies (48) Good night (686) Bad night (7570)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i
  Replies (39) Good night (6796) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (5003) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed http://tfl.nu/1p3v
  Replies (24) Good night (850) Bad night (5761)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (6019) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (3277) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy. http://tfl.nu/9mbp
  Replies (5) Good night (688) Bad night (2269)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy... http://tfl.nu/nlco
  Replies (5) Good night (2166) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat http://tfl.nu/abhh
  Replies (3) Good night (998) Bad night (1589)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink http://tfl.nu/zdy9
  Replies (11) Good night (938) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

  (1-716): View more from New York

  Eh. They balance each other out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day (1-716): Eh. They balance each other out http://tfl.nu/9dcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1014) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's. http://tfl.nu/6ug9
  Replies (0) Good night (301) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine. http://tfl.nu/ulb5
  Replies (3) Good night (510) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole http://tfl.nu/7njw
  Replies (4) Good night (253) Bad night (471)

Randomize