hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
