Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.

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  (914): he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped. http://tfl.nu/0vpq
  Replies (5) Good night (3622) Bad night (577)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

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  (610): Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick... http://tfl.nu/36kw
  Replies (67) Good night (5627) Bad night (1049)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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  (918): If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........ http://tfl.nu/fan3
  Replies (13) Good night (702) Bad night (3304)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  what day is it and did you see me today?

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  (225): what day is it and did you see me today? http://tfl.nu/sgc7
  Replies (7) Good night (6304) Bad night (929)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

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  (479): hey, can i borrow that thing you never use? (1-479): what? (479): your penis http://tfl.nu/2nga
  Replies (11) Good night (1625) Bad night (3956)
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  (831): View more from California

  i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.

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  (831): i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse. http://tfl.nu/jxr4
  Replies (25) Good night (1354) Bad night (4051)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.

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  (913): I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like. http://tfl.nu/zoxi
  Replies (18) Good night (1042) Bad night (5278)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.

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  (917): Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor. http://tfl.nu/lzwd
  Replies (10) Good night (3417) Bad night (1000)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?

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  (303): do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie? http://tfl.nu/kg1j
  Replies (26) Good night (1079) Bad night (3540)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.

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  (519): I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT. http://tfl.nu/zwn2
  Replies (3) Good night (2807) Bad night (724)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him

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  (602): just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him http://tfl.nu/vcwf
  Replies (9) Good night (918) Bad night (1382)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?

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  (719): Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween? http://tfl.nu/i2fu
  Replies (2) Good night (946) Bad night (430)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow

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  (612): SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow http://tfl.nu/34f4
  Replies (3) Good night (1085) Bad night (431)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.

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  (970): Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/2i7x
  Replies (3) Good night (948) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things

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  (315): i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things http://tfl.nu/x59u
  Replies (3) Good night (480) Bad night (720)

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