let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...