Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.