Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?