EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
