he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
