hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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