My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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