i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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