im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
