Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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