oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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