I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
