Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
