dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
