we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
