I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
