You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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