Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
