Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
