bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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