Banned from zoo.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?