Texts From Last Night

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  (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5780) Bad night (817)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

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  (570): we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up. http://tfl.nu/su5y
  Replies (20) Good night (3918) Bad night (584)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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  (979): I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME http://tfl.nu/ljwk
  Replies (35) Good night (1152) Bad night (4475)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...

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  (785): She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before... http://tfl.nu/n0in
  Replies (4) Good night (3515) Bad night (957)
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  (+65): View more from

  No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

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  (+65): No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car. http://tfl.nu/46mc
  Replies (20) Good night (4678) Bad night (1231)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off

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  (360): The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off http://tfl.nu/wmpp
  Replies (4) Good night (630) Bad night (1792)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.

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  (703): I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you. http://tfl.nu/i8ov
  Replies (5) Good night (1479) Bad night (560)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours

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  (203): I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours http://tfl.nu/8ktt
  Replies (9) Good night (1893) Bad night (644)
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  (693): View more from

  You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml

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  (693): You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml http://tfl.nu/qfop
  Replies (4) Good night (412) Bad night (585)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..

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  (315): I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together.. http://tfl.nu/z4t0
  Replies (1) Good night (647) Bad night (315)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"

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  (573): Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo" http://tfl.nu/w19f
  Replies (1) Good night (860) Bad night (391)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.

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  (978): I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out. http://tfl.nu/uwk8
  Replies (1) Good night (765) Bad night (312)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.

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  (519): He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever. http://tfl.nu/34jp
  Replies (5) Good night (287) Bad night (809)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.

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  (304): You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/keuc
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (248)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE

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  (978): Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom (862): I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE http://tfl.nu/mvr5
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (158)

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