porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
