he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize