I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today