I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?