I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.