OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
