The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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