He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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