Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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