Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
