Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
