The maid of honor just puked.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
