I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
