NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
