I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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