can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
