Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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