i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
