Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Randomize
