Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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