this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
