can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
