I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
