i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
