you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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