mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
