and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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