just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
