I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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