She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
