Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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