im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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