My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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