Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
