I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
