I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
