I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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