it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
