His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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