After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
